*Faerie* (bedazzledsoma33) wrote,

I just need a place to say this...

How did I not realize I was moving into your old neighborhood? So many amazing memories walking down these streets. I guess I must have seen them from a different angle. Now I get little bits and pieces anytime I drive around. I still can't remember your street, but I remember driving to your house. I remember you telling me the names of all the streets before yours.... when I look at those street signs it's ridiculous how sad it makes me. I went to your old church. That was the first time that it hit me that you lived so close. I remembered that ugly floral couch. I thought maybe I was crazy and all churches have an ugly floral couch, but no, it was yours. I think the only time I sat on it was your funeral... silly, how that stuck in my mind, but nothing else.

After the initial shock, I thought that was it.. I will see your street signs, and passing memories of us every day, but I didn't think about how your family still might live there. How I may run into them one day... perhaps, one of the church neighborhood get togethers... possibly tomorrow. How is that going to go? Will they remember me? Will is be weird? Will I cry? I did when I found their facebook. I thought about writing them ahead of time... just in case we meet... it won't be awkward, but I can't bring myself to do it. What will I say? Do I want to open an old wound for them? They look so happy in their pictures... although I know they must think about you everyday, like I do.

Third day of letting this in/out... looking at their Facebook pictures. Cute sisters, would they have been my sister in laws? Cute grandkids... would ours have looked the same? What would my life me like if I was still with you? Would these people be my friends? Would we even still be together? Plenty of boyfriends have come and gone... somehow I feel we would have made it though. Does that make me regret my life? No. I love my kids and my husband... but I can't help that there will always be a part of me wondering what if?
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