*Faerie* (bedazzledsoma33) wrote,

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5 years...

I stumbled upon my livejournal acct today. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I last wrote here. I loved reading all my old posts. It makes me want to keep writing here, so that is what I am going to do.

So much has changed since the last time I wrote. I am married and I now have two kids. I don't think a lot else has changed. I am still confused on what I am doing with my life. I also still have anxiety and hypochondria.

I just turned 28 and I want this to be a turning point in my life. I am going to see about going back to school. I really want to have a career by the time both kids are in school. Sky is in 2nd grade and Ari is only a couple years away from school herself.

Time has gone by so quickly. I am so worried about being like my mom and regretting decisions passed. Wishing I would have done something else with my life. I don't want to wake up one day and have those same thoughts.

I am learning everyday who my true friends are and after I don't even know how many years I finally don't feel naive anymore. Normal every day things used to allude me, but now I understand how things work. It doesn't make it any easier on me... and maybe now I am just overthinking it, but I don't know how I got a long at all before.

I read a post called Nostalgia today and it made me miss those years... however it also made me realize one day I am going to look back and miss these years too. I really need to spend more time appreciating my kids and cherishing these years.

My daughter is 2 and I love every minute I get to spend with her. I love her laugh, the way she says "gorilla and koala", the way she says "me do that" instead of "I", how she can be interested in so many things... dance, soccer, barbies, ponies, princesses, etc, how she likes Halloween as much as I do, how she looks just like me when I was her age... so strange to see that... It is so sad to see her grow up. I want her to stay little forever. I know there are already things that she did when she was a baby that I have forgotten. :(

Sky is 7 and he is still pretty damn difficult. I think he has gotten better over the years tho. He is taking drum lessons now and it's amazing how fast he catches on to it. He has a drum set downstairs and I think it's so wonderful for him to be able to destress by playing it. He is also crazy smart... every year since kindergarten he has been where he should be at the end of the year. All his homework is ridiculously easy for him. He just took a placement test for a more advanced school, but we wont find out the results until December. I am pretty sure that he is autistic, but the schools wont do anything cause he is so smart. There are just little signs like how he doesn't respond emotionally to anything and he doesn't think about what he says. He is so blunt and doesn't realize he could hurt someones feelings. I really hope he gets into this school cause I know a lot of other kids with aspergers go there too.

Mike finally let Mo adopt Sky. It's so nice to have that off my shoulders. Also nice not have to worry about him at all anymore. So many posts prior to this were about him. I never thought I would actually move on. I thought I would always be in that cycle.

I'm married to an amazing man. What brought me back to livejournal was a comment on a super old post I wrote called "I want a nerd" ... well I got one. The article is pretty correct too. I don't have to worry about him going to the bar or being a douche... He is extremely caring and would do anything he can for me and our family. I am able to stay at home and he works graves (which I know he hates) to support us. I never thought I would be able to find that perfect balance in a guy. I would always find the super nice guys that let me walk all over them and I would get bored or I would find the bad boys who were assholes and would cheat on me. He is nice without letting me walk all over him. I used to say he is a nice guy with a backbone. I think that is rather hard to find. We share the same sense of humor which is so important to me. I love having our inside jokes and knowing we can both be ridiculous together. He also does an amazing job at grounding me. I still have a lot of anxiety, but he is usually able to pull me back to earth and make me relax. Just being in his arms makes me feel better. He is so laid back, I think that is why that works.

Anyway... that is my life now. I wanted to be able to look back in ten years and remember what it was like. I might still write here or I might not. I'll have to see....
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